Friday, March 21, 2014

Beware of the Toddler - There Is No Limit To What She Can Do!

I thought I would make an attempt at a lighter post, since most of my topics tend to be a little heavy.  I have never been a small-talker, and it is difficult for me not to turn everything into a question that takes me to another and then another.  So today I thought I would just tell you a story - a very true story - that might brighten your day.  Or it will at least make you leery of being around my toddler and her many talents!

One day last week, I was sitting in my classroom during my planning period working on my lesson plans.  Ever since I had a contraction about 2 weeks ago, I have been very motivated to get all my schoolwork prepped through the end of May.

So I am sitting at my computer with my calendar, the last 2 books my students and I are going to read as a class, and activity ideas scattered all around me, when I hear my phone vibrate.  I start digging through all the piles, searching for where I buried it under all my papers.  I finally found it and see that my husband has texted me a photo.

I open the picture, and I study it for several seconds, not sure of what I am looking at.  It looks so strange, and from the angle, I just can't make it out...

And then all of a sudden, I see it!  You know those hidden 3-D graphics that if you stare long enough and cross your eyes and then slowly uncross them, the image just pops out at you (or at least, I think that is what I am doing with my eyes when I am trying to see one of those things)?!  This was exactly like that... I had been turning the phone a little to the left and then the right...

And when I saw it, I gasped! And it must have been a loud gasp, because the 4 students I had sitting in my classroom working on late work looked up with concerned looks on their faces.  I guess my face was pretty dramatic too, for they all wanted to know what was wrong!  I, of course, couldn't tell them.  So I started laughing at the idea of what they would think if I really told them, or even showed them, the picture I was looking at!

The picture was of myself... only my face wasn't in the picture.  It was a picture of me sitting on the toilet!

Thankfully, the picture was mostly just the base of the toilet, and all that can be seen of me is from my knees down - but it is still me sitting on the toilet!

Then I start to think of the logistics of how my husband got this picture on his phone... and why he would even want to?!

I exited out of the picture and looked at the text that came with it.  The caption said, "Scrolling through my phone's pictures, and look what our daughter left me :)"

That is when I realize that the clothes I am wearing in the photo are the clothes I currently have on.  So I started retracing my morning, or more importantly Emersyn's morning.

Then it all came back to me - Kyle was in the shower that morning, and I came in to pee.  I had the door semi-shut, like wedged into the door frame, but not actually closed where the door had clasped shut.  And in comes my toddler - she pushes hard on the door to get it open, because toddlers don't understand that shut doors are that way probably for a reason.  Any parent will tell you that going to the bathroom alone, is pretty much a thing of the past.  I probably barely noticed that she barged in like she was going to rob the place.

I did recall that she saw Kyle's phone on the bathroom counter.  Phones are like candy to my daughter.  All she really wants to do with our phones is look through our pictures, but she could sit still and look through them for half an hour easily.  So when I saw her scrolling through Kyle's pictures, again, I didn't think much of it.

At one point, I remember she held the phone up to her eye the way we used to look through a camera's lens.  She had it mashed up against her cheek with one eye closed and said, "Say cheese Mommy!"  I said, "Cheese".  Then I told her to back up, so I could stand up.

We washed our hands, brushed our teeth, and went to get her dressed... and I never thought about it again!

How was I supposed to know that she actually knew which button to push?!  She obviously didn't understand how to aim or look at it, so why would I think she knew how to take a picture?!

And Kyle was behind the shower curtain the whole time, and didn't have a clue he had such scandalous material on his phone!

He said he was looking through his pictures at work to find some information he had taken a picture of, and he said he stopped dead in his tracks as he was scrolled upon this photo.  He saw right away what it was, and knew who the culprit would have to be.

I texted him back and said, "DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW!!!"

His response, "What if she also perhaps maybe accidentally learned how to upload that pic to Facebook?  I have NO idea how she did it."

I texted, "I would kill you."

"Ok.  Don't hyperventilate in front of your class.  That was a joke."

"I know.  Because you are smart!"

Now, I know that most blogs stir up more curiosity and interest in their posts if they post a picture of the topic the post is about.  So it would only make sense that since this post is about a picture, that I should include the picture in the post...

Yeah, that's never going to happen!

But it is a story too funny not to tell, so I thought I would at least share the laughter!

The moral to this story:  Toddlers are smarter than you think.  And your children will always find a way to embarrass you.

May my readers have an embarrassment-free weekend!  Happy Friday!

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