2023 Letter

Did I write an end-of-the-year letter for 2023? Yes.

Did I mail out many of my Christmas cards before I finished the letter? Also, yes. Ha!

So, here it is, my year-end novel that ended up being 3 1/2 typed pages in Word... if that feels like a ridiculous amount of reading, especially if you see my Fb posts year-round on the regular, then just skip to the last paragraph, because that is just for you!

Dear Friends,

The end of another year, 2023, gifted to us by our Maker; another “blur year” for us, as my aunts often tell me on the Marco Polo app… ya know, the years where you are trying to meet all the little people where they are and get them to all the places, and everyone needs you all hours of the day… blur years. I love this time of year, though, where I try to stop more often and reflect, to intentionally try to store up all of these days in my mind and heart. And thinking back through the scrapbook of my mind in 2023, I find myself in awe once again that the Lord accomplished so much for us and in us. I am truly grateful.

2023 has not only been a blur, it has been incredibly meaningful. It started with our traditional measuring the kids on the giant ruler to see how much they had grown since the last New Year’s Day, which we will find ourselves doing again very soon. The next day, Kyle’s birthday, was spent calling friends who lived nearby to ask them to come pick Kyle up so he could go buy a car part as our car had broken down in Tulsa while we were out to celebrate… not a great start, from one point of view. But from another, God uses times like that to show us that He always provides and that we have dear, faithful friends in this life. Then we had to say goodbye to our dear friends, the Suters, who moved to Utah for church planting; Kyle helped drive their Uhaul through the snow-laden mountains up to Provo. Paige Suter and I had met most Wednesdays for informal discipleship for quite a while, and I felt the absence of my dear friend and her young son so much when they first moved. When Kyle returned at the end of that week, winter break was over, and we resumed full time ministry and regular life.

2023 had some firsts for us: we were able to obtain a used pop-up camper that has changed our lives in wonderful ways, and we also attempted to grow a garden for the first time that changed our backyard for the worse, only growing the most expensive (when you consider all the water, fertilizer, and  time spent) side salads we had ever eaten and only enough cilantro for 2 batches of homemade salsa. Since we had purchased season passes to Silver Dollar City for another year, we have happily been able to get away for a weekend about every other month in our pop-up camper for very little cost! Another first was sort of forced upon us, as Blakeley wanted to play teeball for the spring, but there weren’t enough coaches. So that is how I ended up the head coach of the 6U Dazzling Diamonds teeball team with Kyle as my assistant coach! We had so much fun watching Blakeley and her new little friends learn the concepts of the sport and teamwork, and we learned a lot too!

Spring ended and brought Keegan’s baseball, Blakeley’s softball, and regular college ministry/Kyle’s seminary classes ended for the 22-23 school year. Summer brought a more intimate group at our weekly dinner and study with the college/20-somethings, and also us attending our church’s sports camp we host for the community. Kyle coached football, and Keegan was in his group. I was in charge of the snacks kitchen, while Blakeley was in the Team 56 group learning motor skills. And all the while, Emersyn attended another summer theater camp, where she earned a singing solo in their production of Annie. The end of summer brought my friend, Paige, and her son to visit me and Blakeley for a week while Kyle, Emersyn, and Keegan went up to Lincoln, Nebraska for a week to minister to Yazidi refugees.

Emersyn had begged ever since the pandemic hit to be homeschooled, so for her 5^th grade year, 2022-2023, we finally decided to give it a go! She did so well in homeschooling for 5^th grade! I admit it was so much fun to revisit all my favorite things I used to teach in public school 5th grade for a decade (that was almost a decade ago, how?!). And the beginning of 2023 found us halfway through Emersyn’s 5^th grade school year. We were having a blast, and we finished the school year with a display table in our living room with her art projects, science project, and several of her best writings for her grandparents to view when they came to visit. Emersyn and I also designed a yearbook with all the pictures of our many projects, experiments, and trips we took as part of her 5^th grade learning. We were happy when it was announced that there would be a homeschool co-op started at our church, and most of Emersyn’s best friends were going to be attending. So we decided to continue homeschooling this fall for 6^th grade. Emersyn finished out her 2-year commitment with piano lessons at the beginning of summer, saying she still did not like piano at all, so we allowed her to give it up. She still tinkers on the piano, however, and has enough basic knowledge that she can pick songs up pretty easily on the piano. Emersyn also outgrew a lot of hobbies she had pursued the past several years, now pouring herself solely into her writing! She is constantly planning backstory for characters and collecting ideas for stories she hasn’t even started writing yet. Her amazing mind is full of fiction that there aren’t enough hours in the day to write them all out in actual stories. This fall, Emersyn and I attended a Writer’s workshop for children, and she was greatly annoyed with silly questions other kids asked, wanting to stay behind so she could ask the presenting authors how to hire an agent, how to get published, and what their best advice for aspiring writers would be. I was impressed by her determination and focus. This semester, Emersyn has had co-op with her friends most Monday afternoons; they have studied George Meuller’s biography, drama & improv, and cultural geography. She has also taken up karate, mainly just to spend more time with her homeschool friends, than anything else. But this last week, she was the only one out of her group attending, and she still wanted to go and afterward said that class had gone really well and was enjoyable! Emersyn turned 12 in November, but we all often forget she is that young, and I enjoy our daily conversations as she is so passionate about her beliefs, how she views the world, and about the imaginary worlds and characters she is constantly creating. She is fun, funny, creative, smart, kind, and truly a joy to be around!

Keegan was mid-3^rd grade at the beginning of 2023, and he found himself nervous about joining a new baseball team. He was in that awkward phase where he was the oldest on his former team, having to move up to the next age bracket all by himself. For some reason there was a mix up, and he ended up being placed back into his previous age bracket, but still on a team where he knew absolutely no one. We were proud of how he blossomed on this new team, still the oldest, but now he was also the tallest and one of the best hitters on the team. His confidence grew, not only in his performance during only his second season, but also in making new friends. He had another major opportunity to grow up in summer as he attended church camp at a place he had never visited, with only one other person in the whole camp that he knew! If you know Keegan, you know that he doesn’t even like to ride in the car with his grandparents without one of his siblings or parents present, so him going away from home with no family members for a whole week was a major life event, for him and for us. I’ll admit I was a basket case, since I hadn’t heard a word from him all week. But when we picked him up at the end of the week, he went on and on about how it had been the best week of his life! We have noticed since then that he is much more grown up and independent; he also attended NSU’s football camp on his own and even ran for student council and won once he started 4^th grade this fall! Keegan also went out for the 4^th grade little league football team this year, and they started early August practicing 3 nights a week! We eventually got down to 2 practices a week and games every Saturday. Keegan had to learn how to become more mentally tough, all that time commitment and sometimes playing in over 100 degree heat in full gear, and I was amazed at how much he and the rest of his team learned by the end of the season. Go Tigers! Currently, Keegan is obsessed with all things World War II. Our family tradition is to take each child on a trip for just them with Kyle and I for their 10^th birthday. As he is now 9 ½, we have started planning a short trip for the 3 of us to visit the WWII museum in New Orleans at the end of 4^th grade when he turns 10! And we just found out yesterday that he won his class spelling bee and will be advancing to the district bee in January! Keegan has grown up so much in the past year, but I love that he still loves hugs and time spent together as a family.

Blakeley started 2023 in the middle of PreK; she has always loved school and is a social butterfly. We were so excited that her best friend from PreK, Rylee, also was placed in her same Kindergarten class in August! Life is just better with besties! Blakeley started back at gymnastics this fall where she attends with her friend Ayla, and she has almost completely mastered her cartwheel! If you’ve seen her lately, you have seen her doing cartwheels, because that is all she seems to do anymore – over and over again. It has paid off, because she was just promoted from Beginning 1 to Beginning 2, just in one 9-weeks session! Blakeley also loves makeup and coloring. Blakeley has been over the moon with learning to read, lately, and gets so excited shouting out every time she sees a site word printed on signs or in books. She turned 6 in October, and her hearing tests keep coming back in normal range! She is so energetic and hilarious; she keeps us laughing always.

We recently returned from a week-long family trip to Louisville, KY where Kyle finally graduated seminary from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary where Kyle earned his 90-hour Master of Divinity degree! This has been a very long journey, being so writing and reading intensive, only being able to take 1-3 classes at a time on top of an already full life schedule. Kyle began his masters before we were even married, but decided to take a break when I had to go on bedrest when I was pregnant with Emersyn. Life happens, and before we knew it, he had been on a break far longer than he had originally been in school, so he decided to go back several years ago, knowing there would never be a perfect time to jump back in. All this time that Kyle has returned to his master’s program, he has been working full-time as a pastor at our church, where we love doing ministry and enjoy such rich church family fellowship. Now that he has graduated, we are not in a hurry for a new chapter, but we are open to whatever and whenever God may have one for us. Kyle does feel called to eventually be a lead pastor of a church, but neither of us feels like we need to leave the loving church we are in any time soon, unless the Lord prompts us to do so. At his current job as the associate pastor of our church, Kyle spends a lot of his time preparing multiple Bible teachings a week, meeting with church members for counseling, attending meetings about the direction of our church, and then meeting with college students individually for discipleship and mentoring. He also stops by my office, next door to his, often to check in on Emersyn’s school day, and to occasionally kiss the church secretary (that’s me)! Like I mentioned above, Kyle also spent a lot of time assisting in coaching sports this year on Blakeley’s teeball, Keegan’s baseball, and Keegan’s football teams. He is a busy guy, but he somehow finds time to fish, hike, listen to podcasts in his rocking chair on the front porch, and spend lots of quality time with me and the kids.

Keisha, I, have had an enjoyable year in 2023! When the year began, I started planning the family trip to Louisville and our other camping trips. We have been to SDC, Roman Nose State Park, Mammoth Cave, the Creation Museum, and the Ark Encounter, all on small budgets, mostly eating at the camper or an inexpensive Airb&B. I also enjoyed being in 2 separate book studies, one learning about God’s extravagant grace, and the other learning about the characteristics of God. I love being in groups like this where I not only get to learn more about the Lord, but my friendships with these women from my church deepen as we discuss our lives and how God is changing us, praying for one another and helping each other out during hard times. Both groups have concluded meeting for now, while the friendships continue, but I hope to join another in the new year. I continue to enjoy my job doing graphic design and office management for the church. I have also been blessed to voluntarily serve as vice president on the PTO board at our kids’ elementary school; I run the volunteer schedule for working our weekly fundraising store as well as doing graphic design for other major fundraising events. I also enjoy planning and managing Emersyn’s schooling; I have been teaching her cultural geography class at the homeschool co-op on Mondays, too, and enjoying hanging out with the other moms!

I enjoy our simple busyness (or chaotic simplicity), and I am thankful to the Lord for another blur year, as it comes to a close. Of course what I have mentioned have just been highlights, glossing over some challenges and hard times. Marriage, parenting, ministry and just plain keeping laundry done and people fed and connections sustained is a lot of hard work. Life is hard for all of us, but I am thankful to the Lord that He is the Great Comforter, the Perfect Sustainer, and the only Savior. I love that for Christians, every day is like Christmas; we rejoice that God put on flesh and lived among us, knowing our trials and fragile frailty, yet living a sinless life in our place, dying an undeserved death in place of our deserved punishment, and then rose from the grave! We have all messed up and have contributed to the brokenness in this world, but because of Jesus there is hope and forgiveness! My prayer is that each of you find true peace this holiday season as you revisit this documented true story that we celebrate at Christmas and Easter! I know that this time of year can be so difficult as we miss those who are no longer with us, and sometimes we can be so overwhelmed by all that is going on. But we hope you go to the Maker of your soul as the balm for your soul, and be in awe of all that has been done for you in Christ.

To God be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

 

Merry Christmas,

Keisha

Whatever you do during a pandemic, do it all for the glory of God!

You are home.  You are lonely.  You are bored.

You are tempted.

Flesh still wants what it always has.  Temptation does not disappear just because our interactions with the rest of the world are decreased or vastly altered.  But you might feel stripped of the armor and weapons with which you once waged war against temptation, and had victory, before this pandemic hit.

Meeting a Christian friend for coffee is not an option.
Your roommate is no longer there for accountability.
Your older role model from church is in quarantine because of immunity issues.
Your exercise class isn't able to meet in person.
You have few to no opportunities to help with others' needs... just time to dwell on your own worries.
The daily tasks that give you the feeling of purpose in life are gone -
    the work, the fun, the people = the distraction, the accountability, the meaning...

And perhaps the struggles you have previously had victory over, maybe only recently or even long ago, may start to once again whisper your name...  sins and struggles that can be kept secret or private can run rampant during this pandemic.

Avoiding God's Word.
Letting anxiety rule over you.
Dwelling and feeding fear instead of trusting God.
Pornography and other sexual sins/struggles
Over-eating
Prayerlessness
Laziness
Legalism
Discontentedness

And you feel alone.  And when we are alone the fight gets harder.
Sometimes it doesn't seem worth fighting much at all.

Nothing else better to do - so why not? Just give in.

LIES.

Lies start to creep in.  Preaching truth to ourselves is scarce.
Lies start to feel true.  Much more true than TRUTH itself.

I have no one.
I am useless.
I have to fight this alone.

I get it.  I do.  Maybe not every struggle is the same, but during this pandemic, I am learning that we find out who we really are and what the flesh really wants when there aren't the distractions for people, work, ministry, and purpose.

And as an extrovert who LOVES food and TV and often does not desire to be in God's Word on a daily basis, I see that in order to actively love the Lord with my obedience, I am going to have to spend this time of "sheltering in place" fighting my own flesh.  Fighting the loneliness.  Fighting the fear.  I am going to have to be more diligent about fighting lies.  I am going to have to dig for truth.  Every day.

While these memes, found all over the internet, bring us a little laughter in the middle of a terrible time... there is more truth behind these jokes than I want to admit.  I was overeating and missing my friends and discipleship partners so much, but since I hate talking on the phone I convinced myself I was stuck.

While praying about fighting my feelings with truth, it occurred to me that while I was trying to trust God, I was not willing to also take care of the responsibilities He has given me.  I realized I am going to have to Zoom, and Marco Polo, and text, and call - AND TALK ABOUT WHAT REALLY MATTERS with those who matter to me.  I am going to have to talk to my husband and my friends about what sin struggles I am having, and I need to ask them how they are doing.  Will it be the same as talking in person?  No, it won't be as good.  But it is better than giving into wallowing in my loneliness.  And perhaps this will be a time when my marriage can thrive, learning to better communicate.  I am going to have to think on things above, and that will only happen if I actively pursue things above.  I am going to have to make a list of what I'd like to accomplish each day - including mostly people I want to check in on, scripture I need to read, prayers I need to pray, and projects I am able to do.  God is working, so I should be too.  I am going to have to fight to have a purpose, and so will you.

Fight to have a purpose.  Take initiative.

• Preach to yourself!  Confront lies with truth:

1.  There are many ways through technology to have companionship.
2. Staying home IS useful in this pandemic (that is the point), so is sending notes of encouragement via text or video messages.  Call an elderly relative to say Hi.
3. There are many ways to have accountability for whatever you are struggling with; drop the excuses and utilize the resources available to you.
4. Every earthly comfort is temporary; eating a third cookie only makes you want a fourth.
5. Fighting temptation for the sake of God's glory is ALWAYS worth the fight.

• Schedule times of prayer and reading - and ask a friend to remind you and to ask you about it later.  All those times you complained that you didn't have enough time to study scripture and pray like you wanted to - that is no longer true.
• AWKWARD WARNING:  Take a risk and ask a friend to pray with you over the phone.  Many people do this all the time and don't think anything about it at all.  But if it is your first time, it will feel awkward at first, but SO WORTH IT!!!  At the very least start a prayer-needs thread with a couple of friends and really spend time sharing personal requests.  And then, really pray for each other.
• Keep a journal for your anxiety - write down everything that is looping, and then write out what the Bible says on that subject. Then get busy checking on other people's needs.
• Go through a book of Christian encouragement/doctrine/application with a friend over Facetime or Zoom.  My husband and I are always going through books with other people, so we have decided to take this time to reread our favorite books on godly manhood and womanhood - out loud to each other, and then we discuss.  It has been really awesome to revisit ideas with someone who can encourage me and help me be better, and vice versa.
• Get creative - go walking while talking to a friend on the phone or do what one of the college students did here - she asked if she could walk OUR dog.  She came into our fence, got the dog, and walked her without coming into contact with us or coming into our house!  And she felt like she had more company and joy from serving others.
• Download Covenant Eyes (I get nothing from endorsing them; in fact, we pay them money every month.  I just know my husband uses it and it is helpful for very little!).  This is an accountability program that alerts friends of your choosing when you visit websites that have a pornographic nature.
• Set timers on how long you cruise your Facebook feed.  Download a Bible reading app with a reading plan and scroll that more often than you do social media.
• Try to start a project you have been putting off.  Or start a project from your Pinterest board that you pinned and knew you would never have time for.
• Put on some worship music in the background for all activities that don't have their own sound.
• Google conversation starters and email a question a day to a group of friends - it will give them something to do and will connect you.
• Start a gratitude journal.  What I have been doing in mine is everytime I am sad or feeling sorry for myself or frustrated, I open the journal and try to think of something I am thankful for that God has given me in that moment.
• Call your local school and hospital and ask how you  can help as a normal citizen at home; there is probably something they can think of.  Even if it is only a Sonic run for admin or a shift of people during Happy Hour!
• Get outside and wave to every other person also out and about.  They might be outside because being inside is feeding their depression.  And don't forget, you can still share the Gospel from 6ft or more away. 

So that is the WHAT to do... but it really only matters WHY we do these things.

Why does it matter if I want to find comfort in food, tv, or other things?  It matters, because we were created to find our ultimate comfort in God.  He does not want to be replaced by the things He has given us.  And He isn't sitting in heaven on his tyrannic throne waiting to catch you messing up.  He is waiting for you and me to remember that only He satisfies forever.  Only He is truly good and does not change.  He made us, so He understands that all our comfort-seeking in other places is futile.  He loves you and wants to give you the only comfort that works - Himself.  So we lean into God in all this quiet and waiting, not because we are trying to appease a warden, but because this good and loving God wants to give you, His child, good gifts.  And the greatest gift there ever could be is Himself.

The point of being saved from the punishment of sin, but left in a sinful world with a sinful nature, is not to strive for perfection and fail.  The point is to realize that we are utterly dependent upon God for everything - our life and breath, and even our obedience.  Sanctification is not about sinning less and less (although, hopefully that is a result), being sanctified is the process of God stripping away our self-sufficiency, pride, and self-centeredness to reveal to our hearts an ever-growing awareness and understanding that this amazing God is our only hope.  But He is the greatest hope, and every other hope is false and temporary.

Do not let this time of waiting around allow temptation and vices to slowly grip your heart.  If they already have started, pour your heart out and cry to God.  He loves to forgive, comfort, heal, and strengthen His children.  Whatever you do during this pandemic, let it all be for the glory of the marvelous One who made you.  He made you to find true and lasting comfort and purpose in Him.  Look to Him.  Share Him.  Love Him.  Enjoy Him.

You have all the time you could ever want to do so.

*Some of these ideas are things my friends have come up with; I am thankful for the wisdom and creativity of friends.

"Where Are Her Hearing Aids?" - Our Hearing Loss Journey Part 4: The Final? Chapter

It has been almost a year since our youngest daughter, Blakeley, was aided with 2 Oticon hearing aids in bright pink with clear gold-glittered ear molds.  She was diagnosed in June of 2018 and aided August 7 that same year.  You can read about our experience through the first 6 months of her diagnosis in 3 parts: 1, 2, 3.  Perhaps you have noticed online or in person that Blakeley is no longer wearing her hearing aids.  She hasn't worn them since Christmas.  We have been going through a lot since then, and I have been avoiding explaining all of this to people, because so much is still unknown.  But I know there are people who have questions; sometimes they ask in person, which is fine!  I love when people feel comfortable enough to talk about anything.  And sometimes I can just tell from the stares and looking at the side of her head, people are wondering... where are her hearing aids?

The most simple answer is this:  they are in a drawer at the house.

The explanation and more complicated answer can be read below:

A few days before Christmas 2018, we went to meet Blakeley's new audiologist.  Before we left town for the appointment, we mailed off the last of the Christmas letters I had written explaining everything we had been through during the past year with Blakeley's hearing loss.  I also emailed my cousin back to thank her, because I had ordered custom t-shirts from her for each of our immediate family members with their names printed in ASL (American Sign Language).  She had also mailed us a free ornament with our last name in ASL, and it was the sweetest thing ever!

Our Christmas card photo - our first professional family photo with Blakeley in her hearing aids.

M-U-R-R-A-Y 

On the way to the appointment, I was still feeling quite sad about having to go to a new audiologist. Back in October we had been told that the first audiology clinic we had been taking her to was no longer providing pediatric care.  I had been devastated and scared.  The pediatric audiologist that first took care of Blakeley, really first took care of me.  Blakeley never cared that she had hearing loss, because she never knew any differently.  I, on the other hand, had felt totally lost and bereaved.  She had rescued me from the overwhelming fear and sorrow I had been going through when Blakeley was first diagnosed with permanent hearing loss.  She had given us resources, taught us how all the testing works, answered all of our questions, and put Blakeley's hearing aids on her for the first time (again, all that is told in parts 1 and 2).

Of course, Kyle reminded me that I get a little too attached to doctors sometimes, like when I wanted to invite our midwife to Thanksgiving the year we had our first child, and Kyle had to remind me that she had 4 kids and a family of her own to have holidays with! Ha!

So thankfully we had already been seeing a speech therapist for Blakeley at Hearts for Hearing, where the new audiologist also worked.  He seemed very nice when we met the audiologist - young, but nice.  I know that sounds like an old person talking, but I am 35 years old... I am not that old, and when it comes to medical care for my child, I get a little nervous when the person looks younger than I am.

I was also concerned because for about a week Blakeley had kept taking her hearing aids off constantly.  She had not done that since the first week she had them.  She had been wearing them most of the time for 5 months and was very used to them; didn't even notice they were there anymore... except all of a sudden that week she took them off after only a few minutes of wearing them.  I would put them back on.  She would take them off.  Sometimes, she would only take the ear molds out but leave the aids on (they were affixed to a headband she was wearing).  I started to wonder if she had an ear infection, and maybe the molds hurt to wear them.  With a barely 1-year-old, there is really no way to know anything going on inside their bodies.  But no matter how many times I would put them on her, she would take them off.

I explained my concerns to the audiologist before they went into the booth.  He took a look into both her ears, and then they set up for the booth test.  My husband went into the booth with Blakeley this time - a first.  We had been going to so many appointments that there was no way he could be off work for all of them, so this was the first time he had been to a hearing booth test day.  He held her on his lap, the speech therapist kept her occupied and distracted enough so she wouldn't be "looking" for the sounds that the audiologist sends into her headphones.  They go through the whole test, the audiologist on the outside of the booth recording Blakeley's responses and/or lack of responses to sounds.  Then we go into his office and have a seat...

 I could tell from the look on his face that he had something huge to tell us.  I was worried that perhaps her tubes had come out, causing an ear infection and difficulty hearing even with her HAs (hearing aids) on because of fluid build-up.

He started, "I wanted to start by saying that I wish I had videoed what just happened in that booth, because she does exactly what we hope kids will do in the booth.  She is so young but modeled exactly how a booth test should go."

I was confused.  I couldn't tell if he was saying that her behavior was model behavior or if... her hearing was model hearing???  What?

He continued, "If you look at this," showing us the audiogram from the booth test, "you'll see that here is where she was before on her first test, and here is where she is hearing now."  Every current hearing result was within NORMAL range of hearing, except one was left blank.  The Dr. said, "Her hearing is all within normal range except in the 500 Hz, we can't get her to respond.  We do not know if it is because it is a low sound that just isn't interesting to listen to, or if she doesn't really hear it.  She is too young to tell us or to ask her.  It is common, however, for kids with tubes in their ears to not hear this pitch.  It is usually only temporary due to the tubes.  So, looking at this test and considering her tubes are still in place, I feel comfortable saying that Blakeley has normal hearing."

SILENCE... my mind was racing while the room grew so incredibly quiet.

My first reaction was that I should have been the person holding her in the booth (which is ridiculous, because the parent literally does nothing but provide a lap to sit on during the test), but I had been in there for all the previous tests... Then my next reaction was to wonder how good of a doctor this audiologist was - my first time to bring Blakeley to him, and she hears just fine all of a sudden?!  Yeah, right, dude...

But then I started to think, 'Well, if that is true, what have we been doing for the past 6-7 months?!  They said permanent hearing cannot be cured or get better.  They said she had reverse-slope mild to moderate hearing loss.  She has had two booth tests since her first test - they have all shown the same thing... how could this be?!  Was the first audiologist who gave her that first test drunk?!  How could the second audiologist who had 20+ years of experience be wrong too?!  Why should I take the word of a young, brand new audiologist over two others who had more experience and had the same results?!'

So I started to cry.  I was mad.  I was confused.  I was heartbroken.  I was devastated.

I had been wronged.  Lied to.  Betrayed... or I was now being misled?

I started saying all my thoughts,
"So if she can't get better, did she ever have hearing loss?"
"Was somebody drinking over there the day of her first test?"
"How reliable is this new test?  Can we do another one?"

He said that misdiagnosis happens "often enough that we expanded our office from OKC to Tulsa.  We kept having people travel to OKC and go through all this testing to find that it was all an inaccurate first test."

This answer made me FURIOUS!  How many times had I driven to Tulsa for ENT, Audiology, speech therapy, and hearing aid appointments?!  How many books and articles had I read?!  How many hours had I spent crying, feeling alone in the world, taking ASL class?!  How many hours of work had I missed?  How much money had we spent?  Our parents split the cost of Blakeley's hearing aids - how would I pay them back?!

This answer made me sad.  How many friendships had been formed through our admittance into the deaf community?  How much had my identity changed - the way I saw myself as a mother with a child with special needs?  Who were we now?  Where did we belong now?

I think I was more sad the day we were told her hearing may be normal than I was the day they first  told us she was hard-of-hearing.  That may not make sense, but Kyle said he felt the same way.  We had spent over half of a year rearranging, not just our lives, but our thinking... and now this doctor was saying it was all for nothing.

So we scheduled another test for the week after New Year's.  And I started to panic - I had just mailed 80 letters to so many friends and family explaining Blakeley's hearing loss.  I had just spent all this money on custom t-shirts that said things like "Mamoo", "Pawpaw", "Grandma", "Grandpa", "Mama", "Daddy"... all in ASL!

The audiologist said that between then and the next test, we should leave her hearing aids off.  He said the reason she was pulling them off was because they made things sound funny.  Her tubes were still in place, and there was no infection or inflammation in her ears.  Her hearing aids were programmed to magnify sounds in certain pitches, and he said that she has realized she likes the way things sound better without them.

I said, "We are about to leave for Christmas for 3 days to attend 5 different gatherings with family plus church... what are we supposed to tell people when they ask?"

He said, "Tell them whatever you want, but perhaps you could honestly say that she keeps taking them off and the doctor said it was okay to take a break for two weeks until her next test?"

Her first day without wearing her hearing aids in 5 months; Christmas at Uncle Kevin and Aunt Heather's

Christmas church service, not aided

 So that was our plan as we left.  I still wasn't sure I believed the doctor.  Over the next two weeks, I acted very breezily about the fact Blakeley wasn't wearing her HAs when people asked.  I acted like nothing was going on... when I was actually torturing myself mentally, going crazy asking myself 'Did she ever really not hear, or did we just treat her like she couldn't hear?!' 'How do we explain to our parents that they spent all that money for no reason?!' 'What do we tell people in the Deaf community - will they resent us?' 'Should I send another post-Christmas letter explaining everything we sorta know now?!' 'Did she ever really act like she couldn't hear us?' 'How do I share this information online without pointing blame at her previous audiologist, who I still feel like is my savior in some way... how could she also be someone who missed this huge thing?!'

It was grueling.  It was mentally exhausting.  I cried often in bed at night.

There was another issue in all of this - if she DID have hearing loss, and now she doesn't... what happened?!  Did God heal her?  While I know He CAN; I'm not sure why He would.  Why cure her only 7 months after her diagnosis while so many others go their entire lives with PROFOUND hearing loss, let alone just a mild-moderate loss?!

So we told no one.  We waited for the next test.  That test showed normal range as well.

I demanded another test.  A sleep test.  But she wouldn't cooperate; we tried for 2 hours, and she never would fall asleep with all those sensors on her head.

We weren't sure if we wanted a sedated test.  She was so little and had already been under anesthesia before for her tube surgery.  Did we really want to put her under sedation again, when the first sedated test had apparently not even been accurate?  Definitely did not sound worth the risk.

Loving on Bubba

Getting a piggyback ride at church from Sissy

All 3 kids posing for Easter pics

So we continue to go for hearing booth tests and speech assessments every other month.  Each time she has tested in normal range with her not responding at one pitch... and the doctor assures us each time that even if it is a permanent loss in that one pitch, it isn't enough of a problem where she should be aided.  And each time her speech has been testing within her current age.  They said they will keep monitoring her and that if she stops progressing in speech or if she regresses, then a sedated test would be necessary.  But so far, she keeps growing in her speech abilities!

 It has been one crazy roller coaster ride, but I really am thankful for all the things that I have learned. There of course is the chance that her hearing actually improved, maybe that even God healed her hearing… I don’t know and I’ll never know for sure. I have had so many questions, but I also realize that for most of them I may never have answers.  I had a lot of hurt and anger at first, and thankfully a friend of mine asked me if I would be mad if God had healed her, which of course I answered no! And I realized in that moment that that’s the kind of attitude I’m gonna have to take on this, no matter what really happened. So even if she never had hearing loss, we are going to be thankful to God as if she did and He healed her, because if she has normal hearing then there’s nothing to worry about! And all good things come from Him anyway! So basically when people ask me why she’s not wearing her hearing aids now in public I tell them that we’re not sure how or what happened, but her most recent tests show that she has normal hearing - and we’re praising God for that.

Blakeley LOVES her baby dolls!

She loves magnifying glasses!

She HATES pools and splash pads, so she spends her time filling
buckets with water in her dry swimsuit!

 No matter how we got here, we are thankful for God's provision for Blakeley's hearing.  And she is hearing and speaking normally for an almost 2-year-old third-born child.  My true identity should have always been in Him, no matter the needs of my children.  And I have taken some time to go through all the emotions, shed the identity and constant worry, and have recently started looking at how I am going to fill my time and purpose, since so much of my life had been on-hold throughout that 7 months she was labeled as an HOH child.  We have held onto her hearing aids because insurance only pays in part for them once every 5 years.  Throughout all this testing, I didn't want to get rid of them until we were sure she doesn't need them.  I'm still not sure that she never will.


So  we need wisdom in knowing when the right time will be in donating them to someone who needs them.  Sometimes I wish I hadn't ordered her hot pink ones, since that might not be the preferred color of others in need.  But it is what it is, and I am thankful that someday when the time is right we can gift someone else the gift of hearing who will need it.

From September 2018 to May 2019

Life is good, and it was in the middle of all this too... sometimes the good is in the stretching, trusting, etc.  And I take comfort in knowing that it was never my fault she was diagnosed, so it can't be my fault that I possibly misled so many people without knowing it.  We lived the truth we were given, and looking back, I can say that we did everything in our power to help our daughter how we were told she would need.  I don't regret how hard I fought for her, and I am no longer embarrassed by how far I pushed myself to provide for her what we were told she needed.  I felt guilty for a long time that my daughter's hearing is considered normal while so many others' aren't.  And maybe someday God will use this new awareness and passion in our serving of others, but the guilt is gone.  I found out how strong I can be.  I found out how strong God's arms are when He holds me as I fall apart.

And Blakeley can hear.  So that is why her hearing aids are in a drawer at home.

Our Hearing Loss Journey Part 3 - Speaking vs Signing

*This post has been edited from its previous version.  I originally posted examples of parents sharing their struggles with this topic - all names and pictures were blurred and marked out.  However, some people did not approve, so this post was edited to not include those.  I completely understand and am very sorry to anyone who was offended.  I hope no damage was done to anyone, as a fellow parent on this journey, I would never want to cause more stress to anyone else.  Thank you.*

When we first learned of our daughter, Blakeley's, hearing loss we did what most parents do - we did whatever it took to fix what was wrong with our child, if possible... right?!  Isn't that the thing we want to do?  If they are sick, and medicine will cure them - you give them the medicine.  If they have a condition where surgery could fix it - you choose the surgery.  If your child cannot see, you get them glasses.  Well, if your child cannot hear everything normally, you want to give them whatever is available to give them the most opportunities in life...

I had never questioned this kind of response in parenting until my daughter was diagnosed with hearing loss.  She wasn't profoundly deaf, so hearing aids were an option.  Our insurance covered most of the cost (praise the Lord - we have met so many families that have to wait for so long because they have to pay $9,000 out of pocket!), and we had met so many other families that had chosen this easy and readily available option.  But as we entered the "hearing loss" world more and more, we soon encountered the "Deaf Gain" community.

What is the difference, you may ask.  Well, it really is just a change of perception.  Basically, the difference is when you go from only focusing on the hearing deficit your child has at diagnosis and shifting to welcoming all of the community (and benefits of that community) that a Hard of Hearing or Deaf person gains with their disability.  Yes, a HOH person may not be able to hear certain pitches of sound, so there may be loss of opportunities in the hearing world, but they will gain connections with others like themselves that they may never have otherwise.  The people in the Deaf Community are loyal, and they are fierce.  They are strong, because they have to be.  They are proud of who they are, just the way they are, because many times everyone else treats them as if they are lesser than - less able, less intelligent, less valuable... and nothing could be further from the truth.  And they know how to advocate for themselves and one another.  So, not just "hearing loss", but also "deaf gain".  It is a pretty powerful shift that I resisted at first, disagreed with for a while, but now see the beauty of with gladness.

I shared in previous posts about how I felt strongly that we should learn ASL (American Sign Language) as a family as a support language for the present, and a backup language for the future.  If it was likely she would lose more hearing, then I didn't want her to have to make a huge transition as an adult that would be so easy to prep for as a child.  So we enrolled in an ASL class at our local library.  We also downloaded sign apps on our phones, watched signing shows for children at home from Youtube, and enrolled for online courses (which some are actually free to families of children with hearing loss - pretty awesome!).

In our ASL class, our teacher is a young woman who was Hard of Hearing as a child who later lost the rest of her hearing in college.  She had not been allowed to learn sign, she was forced to speak and wear hearing aids, she was in a school where no other children had hearing loss... I knew MANY families who had similar stories, except most did use ASL as a supplemental language (for when hearing aids were not being worn or in crowded/loud places where hearing is even more difficult).

Until I heard her tell her story, from her point-of-view, I had NEVER considered "forcing" the word I would use on teaching kids with hearing loss how to speak.  I learned that because I am a hearing person, I think like a hearing person.  I am not offended by the term "hearing impaired", because I only think of it as the medical term it is.  I am not upset when I see a child with a cochlear implant, because I see it as an opportunity to get back what a person would normally have.  And until I took this ASL course, I never knew that to many in the Deaf Community, it is a statement of "something is so wrong with you, that brain surgery is necessary to change it".

I have never been a person with hearing loss.  So I am not used to receiving the message that just being me, how I am, is wrong, is something to fix.  I am not used to knowing that I am different than everyone else in my family, just being the way I am.  I didn't know that there are families of multiple deaf generations who do not pursue assistive technology of any kind, nor do they make their children learn to speak.  They all sign.  They are all accepted in their family, just as they are, without trying to fix anything.  My eyes were opened, and my mind was puzzled.

And I'm not saying that learning these things means that I now think someone should never get a cochlear implant or learn to speak.  It just means that these decisions are more difficult than "there is a problem, let's fix it.".  Every decision made by each individual family unit for each individual child, while almost always made with good intentions, may carry with it deeper messages to your child's inner voice.  Just one more thing to add to the list of to be mindful of, to consider, to fight... None of these decisions are simple, nor are they always right or always wrong... it is hard.

So we decided that we would offer our daughter as much as we could of both worlds, and someday when she grew up we promised each other and her that we would be fine with whatever world she chose, even if that meant both worlds or the one we were not naturally a part of.  We learned about silent dinners, deaf preschools, deaf camp, and many other events/places where hearing loss is the normal and hearing is the rare thing - sometimes even the looked-down-upon thing.

In order to be able to give our daughter as much of both worlds as possible, we would have to do many things - learn sign and sign at home, to all of us in the family, often.  We would need to attend silent dinners and other events where signing would be the form of communication, putting ourselves way out of our element.  We would also have to take our daughter to speech therapy, provide her with technology that would help her hear the world around her (fill in her hearing deficits), and actively participate in practicing her speech all day, every day.

It was exhausting just thinking about it.

We loved our sign class.  We loved the fun of teaching what we learned to our kids, and it was awesome to watch them use what they learned.

We found a speech therapist at a non-profit that offers free services to children with hearing loss under the age of 3!  The clinic is called Hearts for Hearing, and our Auditory Verbal Therapist is Jenna.  She is amazing.  And she loves our Blakeley girl.  Blakeley is feisty and doesn't always play along.  She has her own ideas, but Jenna patiently waits, reiterates, and sees the pay-off most of the time.  Auditory Verbal Therapy is speech specifically designed for those with hearing loss, and with children it is play-based.  My older children have received typical speech therapy from some outstanding therapists, but their sessions are usually done without me in the room.  They do 28 minutes with the therapist without me, and then the therapist summarizes to me what they worked on, how the child did, and how to practice at home in the last 2 minutes of a total 30-minute session.  It is not like that with AVT.  Jenna and I sit on either side of Blakeley, and whatever Jenna models, I repeat, and then we wait for Blakeley to repeat it.  I love seeing and doing exactly what the therapist does, so that I know exactly what to do at home!  I love the practice in a one-hour session of being so hands-on, so that the way I play with Blakeley at home is naturally molded by those practices.

But it is so incredibly strange to feel like I have had to lie, or omit the whole strategy we are implementing as a family, to both worlds.

To those we have met in the "deaf gain" community, we have emphasized our desire for Blakeley to be accepted as she is (which we really do want), that we would want her to find connection in her life with others who understand her experience (which we really do), and that we would support her no matter what communication mode she chooses when she is old enough (which we think we really do - that would definitely still be so hard if she chose to only sign, but we would try to do the selfless thing).

To her speech therapist we have emphasized our desire for her to hear and speak (which we really do want).  MANY speech therapists do not approve of signing with children who struggle with speech.  They see it as an intrusive crutch, an interruption to the speech process, and something that holds a speaker back instead of encouraging speech.  Some studies show otherwise, some support them.  Some speech/audiology clinics used to or even still do require all patients/guardians to sign a contract promising not to use sign language!  I gave myself away on accident several times when I would instantly sign "drink", "eat", or "all done" to Blakeley when she would be fussy and not cooperative with Jenna during a speech session.  I would instantly stop and try to act like it hadn't happened.  She never grilled me about it, but she has occasionally reminded me to "give verbal cues and wait for a response before giving a visual cue."  Thankfully, she has never told me not to use ASL, but obviously as a speech therapist, it makes sense that her priority would be verbal speech.

So I have felt torn for the past 6 months, acting the part that my current environment prefers.  It has been confusing sometimes.  It can be frustrating.  But the truth is that I see both sides.  I totally understand where they are all coming from, so I have played along to their preference because I want both.  And Blakeley is so young.  I felt it would be irresponsible to wait until she is old enough to choose how she wants to communicate, because her ability to learn both languages at her current age is so strong!  Children learn language so quickly, and by the time she is mature enough to choose a world she prefers to live in, her ability to soak up new language will have diminished greatly.

We are not alone.  I have heard many other parents in our situation speak of the same struggle.  Others completely disagree that it is a struggle at all - they want their child to hear and speak, so why complicate things?!  Or they want their child to feel completely accepted as they are without interference, so why complicate things?!

And I totally see where they are coming from too!  I get it.  And when Blakeley is old enough for all this to be explained to her, I hope she'll understand both sides too.  I hope she will see the love that our struggle and choices have been bathed in.  And I have prayed that she will become the well-rounded, contributing, empathetic, and accomplished woman that we have envisioned when looking at her future, in our dreams, and in our hearts.

Be looking for Part 4 soon - this journey just keeps getting crazier!

-For insight into the experience of getting her diagnosis, Part 1's link is here.
-To read about the process of getting her hearing aids, Part 2's link is here.

Our Hearing Loss Journey Part 2 – Hearing Aids

After our daughter, Blakeley, was diagnosed with permanent hearing loss in June, the tedious task was getting her hearing aids.  I recently wrote in Part 1 about her diagnosis and how blessed we were by an audiologist to just take me at my word about her diagnosis and go ahead and 1)allow me to schedule the hearing aids appointment, 2)get her ear molds ordered and 3)order her hearing aids – all without the diagnosis report from the ENT’s office who did the sedated ABR in June!  The ENT’s office took forever to get the report to the audiologist, and if we had had to wait all that time just to get the molds and aids ordered, who knows when we would have finally got her aided!

So my husband went with me to all audiology appointments after her diagnosis, because we were both afraid to ever go alone again.  We stopped living in our naïve ignorance and became very intentional about proactively reading, asking questions, and not assuming any of the doctors or their offices were just going to tell us what we needed to know.  I went to the public library and looked up every book they had on hearing loss.  One book that I absolutely loved and read cover to cover (some others I realized after starting them, that they were off-topic or too topic-specific, and didn’t finish them), was Shouting Won’t Help:  Why I and 50 Other Million Americans Can’t Hear You.  My eyes were opened to the world of limited hearing, hearing aids, and the challenge of living in a hearing world. There are millions, literally, of similar stories to this author’s, and it was both challenging and encouraging to read an adult’s point of view, since my daughter’s world is quite small and I was at a loss as a hearing person on how to prepare her for the big rest of the world.

Even more challenging is that Blakeley’s diagnosis is the opposite of what most people with a hearing disability have.  Most people with hearing loss/deaf gain, especially those who are Hard of Hearing (having partial hearing, but not mostly or completely deaf), have loss or limited hearing in high tones/pitches while still hearing a lot of low tones.  Blakeley’s audiograms show that she has mild loss in high pitches and moderate loss in low pitches.  This makes hearing way different for her.  All sounds are made of mixed tones, especially voices.  Low tones are what give sounds their richness, fullness.  I noticed after her diagnosis Blakeley only turned or jumped at loud low tones, when she would easily turn toward softer high sounds.  We started talking to her in high pitched voices (as much as we could) or very closely to her ears.  We noticed she slept hard during storms, door slams, etc… and really the only time someone’s voice woke her up from sleep was my son’s 4-year-old high pitch voice.  The first sounds she made were Ds, Ts, Ks, Gs, which are higher sounds than the usual sounds most kids start with Ms, Ns, and Bs.  In an interesting article I read about the Bizarre World of Reverse Slope Hearing Loss, the writer had an extreme case of reverse slope hearing loss, and he could only hear the pluck of the pick on a guitar string rather than the chords being played by the same strum of the guitar.  That example has very much stayed with me, and it has made we wonder every day just what the world sounds like to my daughter.  Sure, she hears, but what exactly does she hear?

We were told by our amazing audiologist about several programs that are free to families with children who have hearing loss, and she did all the calling and paperwork for us to get started in these programs.  We live in Oklahoma, so one program here is called SoonerStart.  We did introductory paperwork and meetings similar to IEPs done in schools.  The woman who meets with us from the program has to cover a vast area and many families, but on the occasions we have met she has given me several resources regarding sign language and helped me evaluate if Blakeley is delayed in any milestones of development.  She also encouraged me to read 10 books a day to Blakeley once she had her hearing aids for language bombardment, which is difficult to do because Blakeley gets very angry if you go past the first page of any book! Ha!

We were also told of a non-profit called Hearts for Hearing.  Originally and currently based out of Oklahoma City, but there is a Tulsa office.  We were told that they would purchase Blakeley’s hearing aids for her and provide any audiology and speech therapy services we need until Blakeley is 3 years old.  We were also quoted that if we went through the audiology office we had been visiting, the expected portion for us to pay would be somewhere between $300 and $800.  We were also initially told that if we went through Hearts for Hearing to attain hearing aids for free, we would have to use their audiologist and could only have appointments on Mondays.  I was worried that even though it would definitely help our finances, but the idea of such limitations of availability of appointments and with the quote through our private insurance being so little, we went ahead and ordered her hearing aids through the audiologist that we had already fallen in love with and felt so taken care of by initially at the Scholl Center.

I had never seen a child with hearing aids, even as a public school teacher for a decade.  I was nervous about what color to choose for Blakeley.  At first I thought we should get the skin tone color so they were less noticeable, especially since the sweet baby has barely any hair! I pictured these big plastic hook-like shapes over the tops of her ears, and I just wasn’t sure I could get used to such a thing.  The thing with hearing aids is that you only replace them every 3-5 years, because insurance won’t pay for new ones any sooner.  Making that decision for her – the accessories she would wear at all waking hours until she was 5 years old - was a lot of pressure for me.  My oldest daughter’s favorite color changed every month or so once she learned her colors, so I was afraid of picking an actual color for Blakeley.  But I also wondered if getting a skin tone implied that I was ashamed of her hearing aids, which perhaps I was a little.  Not ashamed for me, but nervous for how she would perceive herself – how others would perceive her.  I finally realized, though, that Blakeley will think about them however we model for her to think about them.  If we consider it normal, and maybe even fun, then so will she.  And when my oldest daughter had to pick out glasses, she easily and confidently picked out bright pink frames… how was this any different?!  A friend of mine also explained to me that sometimes when her daughter who wears hearing aids is angry or frustrated, she takes them off and throws them, often during car rides.  I imagined me upside down in my mini van trying to find neutral colored hearing aids at least once a week and immediately let that be the deciding factor – we would order the brightest pink pair available!  For molds, there are many colors with things you have have melted in – glitter, shapes, tie-died colors, etc.  I figured if she was going to wear them every day until Kindergarten, then I should have fun with it!

While we waited for the hearing aids to come in, I went ahead and ordered 2 pairs of Ear Suspenders for Blakeley to begin wearing and getting used to them.  I am a headband/bow-obsessed mama, so Blakeley was used to always wearing an accessory on her head, but not elastic ones and definitely not with rubber over the ears.  So for several weeks before she was aided, I had her wear her Ear Suspenders every day.

On August 7^th, a month and a half after she was diagnosed, we went in to have her hearing aids put on for the first time.  I took her picture at the Wendy’s we ate lunch at right before the appointment, because for some reason I felt something about my daughter was ending.  I was so excited but also sad.  Excited that her world would open up to so many more sounds!  Sad, because her world as she knew it was going to change; she had no idea that what she knew was flawed, limited.  And it wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t just be in the world as she is.  In just a few moments she would know differently, and she would never be able to go back to being ignorant of the fact that she was not whole on her own.

At Wendy's before the hearing aids appointment!

There was an entire kit that came with the hearing aids, and the audiologist went over all of it with us...  What to do if they got wet.  Where to check to make sure they weren’t clogged with dirt or wax.  How to check batteries.  Where to order batteries.  How to put the batteries in and out.  How to know if she needed new molds.  When to have them on, when to take them off and to remember to turn them off…

And then Kyle held her as the audiologist put them on her for the first time.  She was crying because she didn’t like being messed with, and then as soon as one was in, she went silent.  Stunned silence.  The room was not noisy, but I thought of the noises she hadn’t been hearing before – the air conditioning, our two older children quietly playing in the corner… in that moment I was too happy for her to cry.  And I felt nothing but gratitude for this doctor who seemed to have rescued me from fear and ignorance.

To view this video:  https://www.facebook.com/keisha.mackenzie/videos/10156691584946047/

I am ashamed to admit that the only moment I cried was when I saw the bill.  I was grateful that I did not owe the original amount of $9,000 for the pair of hearing aids, but I was shocked and not financially prepared for the $1,500 part that we were responsible for.  The $300-$800 quote we were originally given was already a bizarre range, but I was prepared for that.  $1,500 was quite different!  And we were told if we did not pay the $1500 in full, we could not leave with the hearing aids that day.  There is no payment plan option, and I just could not leave them there.  After seeing her response to hearing everything around her, I just couldn’t leave them behind.  So we left that day with only a few cents left in the bank, and I was sweating all the way home thinking about how we were going to make it through the next week with the groceries we had in the house and the gas we had in the cars.

We were very blessed to be helped by our parents once they heard that the bill turned out to be twice the higher end of the original quote, and even though I hate accepting financial help, and even just speaking about it makes me stressed, I was overwhelmingly grateful and unable to put into words how loved I felt in seeing our family be not only void of shame over our daughter’s disability, but wanting to help her the same way we want to help her.

The first two days of her wearing her hearing aids were EXHAUSTING!  It took me forever, it seemed, to get them in just right where there wasn’t a screeching feedback where air was getting in… and then a minute later, Blakeley would pull them off.  So I’d put them back on, and she’d pull them off.  I was sweating from having to hold her with my legs so I could twist and pull and push with my hands… and then I noticed after a day and a half of me being just as stubborn as she is, she took them off less with longer times of wearing them in between.  By the 3^rd and 4^th day, she barely touched them!

I noticed after being aided, Blakeley would bend over as I carried her on my hip and watch my feet on the carpet in the morning; she had never done that before.  She scream-cried when I turned on the vacuum, which had never bothered her before.  She screamed less and less than she had prior to being aided; usually she squalled for no reason – happy, sad, mad – just the most shrill shriek that makes your eyes flutter and body tense.  She did that less and less, and we were thankful!  We also noticed that people defended her when we got onto her when she did scream, and no one ever was upset when she would cry in public.  Old ladies would tell me, “Oh, you leave that sweet baby alone; she just wants to hear herself.”  I have often joked that all children should wear hearing aids so that no one will judge a mother when her baby is inconsolable in public!  Ha!  It has been so refreshing to see how sweet people are, and how helpful our village of family and friends have been!

And, of course, now it is very normal for me to see hearing aids on a small child and not think twice about it.  We see other babies, toddlers, school-aged children, and teens in the waiting rooms and in the pictures on the walls of all our appointments.  We have even met two other children while out and about who were wearing hearing aids, and it was fun to have an instant bond with strangers!

And we began all the testing suggested to make sure her ears were the only thing affected by the nerve damage causing her hearing loss.  Blood was drawn as St Francis in Tulsa, an ophthalmology appointment in Owasso, a kidney ultrasound in Muskogee, and back to Tulsa again for an EKG, all the while going to Tulsa for audiology appointments and her regular doctor back home to hear the results of each test.  And on top of that, we began an ASL class and Auditory Verbal Therapy services, but those are a story all on their own!  Be looking for Parts 3 and 4 (I think that will be all?)…