Welcome to the Light, Keegan Russell!

Why do people always look so puffy when they get up before 6am?!

We headed for the hospital at 4:45 am on Tuesday, April 29th. We filled out paperwork, took our bags into our assigned room, and I started getting hooked up to IVs and everything else. They came and got me to take me to the O.R. to prep for surgery. Kyle was taken to another area to get into his scrubs, and I instantly felt his absence. I was shaking because it was so cold in the room, and all I had on was that paper gown that ties in the most stupid places. Two nurses stood on either sides of me with warm blankets and tried to hold me still while the anesthesiologist started my spinal block.  We had discussed the issues I had with the spinal block with my first child, and she did a great job making sure those same issues did not occur. But this one seemed to take longer, and the "rub" under my skin of the numbing medicine being shot into my back made my whole backside and hips and legs have a sickening warming sensation.

I will say that having a c-section last-minute is more desirable than having one planned ahead, because I knew more. I knew this time what could go wrong, and they kept over-informing me about what they were doing and what might go wrong. Since I had been through this before with the same doctor, I figured it would be like riding a bike - familiar. But everything seemed new and strange. I became fearful that I was going to die on the table without being able to tell my husband goodbye. I cried quietly from my fears, the freezing temperature of the room, and how sickening my body felt with this manufactured warming sensation running through my limp and numb limbs. I started to fear that I was only warm, not numb, and that I may feel the first cut.

Which I also was critiquing myself for, because I knew that was ridiculous... but it felt so real!

And then Kyle came in, and I was so relieved to see him! I didn't tell him any of my thoughts or feelings, but began to rest. And then I became too tired and groggy, and even though I couldn't keep my eyes open or talk much, I was very aware that I had been more alert during my first c-section. Again, I was worried that I was fading, dying, but left completely unable to tell everyone.

My hero :)

Last time, I had only felt people pushing on my stomach, and I assumed they were looking for the best place to make the incision... But as they were "looking", I heard Emersyn cry! I realized I had been more numb than I knew. But this time, it seemed everyone was talking too much. Again, they were giving me a play-by-play. So as I "felt" what they were doing, they described it. They told me that they saw the baby before they pulled and tugged him out. And from the way they were tugging and pushing, it seemed much harder and longer than with they had with Emersyn. I began to expect to hear that this baby boy was ginormous! I remembered that my midwife had said with my first pregnancy that there was "baby everywhere", and that they had had to tug her out of all the places she had taken up residence. And the over-the-top tugging this time pointed to another, perhaps even a larger child.

Kyle says that it was much worse with Emersyn from the look of things... I still disagree from the feel of things!

"In Italian, the literal translation of "to give birth" — "dare alla luce" — is: "to give to the light"

 

And then they brought him to us, and they offered to put him on my chest near my face, which I wasn't allowed to do with Emersyn!  It was so amazing to get to "hold" him so soon, even though my arms were still strapped down.  Then they said he only weighed 8 lbs!  8 pounds?!  I couldn't believe it!  Babies just don't come that small in my family!  The doctor joked that you know big babies run in our family "if an 8-pounder was the runt of the family".  Our son was just as long as his older sister, though, and we realized just how long and skinny he was.

There are definite pros to having a smaller baby - 1)I only gained 30 pounds, well 31, this pregnancy.  And at least 1/3 of that was lost at delivery! With Emersyn, I had gained 60!  2)He weighs so little, so holding him and nursing him wasn't as taxing on me as I was sporting a long horizontal line of staples. 3) He will definitely get to wear all of his clothes and diapers we bought.  With Emersyn, she skipped all the NewBorn stuff, because she was so big, and 4)  He definitely is easier to get to eat!  Emersyn was so big that she was never hungry!  It would take us an hour to wake her up to feed her for 20 minutes!  Not this little guy!  He lets us know he is hungry and ready!

But that is also part of the cons to having a smaller baby - 1)He wanted to eat a lot at first when we got home!  All of the time!  As if someone told him there is an eating competition going on - I sure hope it is true, because Keegan and I would win 1st place!!!  2)Even his NewBorn sized things are too big :(  He looks a little silly!  The jeans I had taken  for his "going home" outfit were as big as he was from head to toe... Thankfully the hospital is 6 minutes from our house!  3)  He also looks like an old man, which is pretty cute!  But I am used to rolly-polly babies!  We had to dig for Emersyn's neck; Keegan's is scrawny and visible immediately :)

"Keegan gave" Emersyn a big sister present of dress-up clothes! We had a different princess in our hospital room each day :)

Something I am very thankful for this second time around, though, is knowing more and being scared less - about motherhood anyway.  When we came home with Emersyn, I looked around our 900 square-ft trailer and started to cry at how small she looked in such a big place where no doctor or nurse would be checking in on us... I just knew she was going to die in this "HUGE" place!  Walking in with Keegan was like coming home from any other length spent away from home where you come home with more bags than you left with.  I didn't feel scared or nervous about him being here, and I don't think it was because we only have a little over 800 sq. ft. here.  I have learned about God's provision and protection of our kids.  There have been so many times Emersyn should have been injured and walked away from an incident completely fine, and when that happens multiple times a day or week, you learn that God is always with my kids because I know I can't always be with them!

And on our first night home, as I laid down next to Kyle to collapse to sleep, I said, "What an amazing feeling to know that the last time I laid in our bed, I had a lingering fear in the back of my mind that perhaps I wouldn't live and be able to come home.  I am thankful that God brought me home."

Snuggling with Daddy!

 Keegan had easily slept and ate on a regular schedule while we were in the hospital, but the day we came home was the same day as his circumcision.  Our only guess is that he was exhausted or groggy from his circumcision, because he slept so hard all day... and then our first night home he was AWAKE and wanted to eat every 2 hours!  I slept for maybe 2 hours altogether that night.  And I was afraid that the rest of my life was going to be this sleep-deprived!

The next night was exactly the same... Which is why I am only now posting this blog 8 days after he was born, but I started writing it our second night at home!

A family of 4!

That second night home is a crazy story all on its own, so I'm saving it for the next post!